Bearings.

Last night I saw hands down, the BEST view of Seattle I have ever seen. I found a friend who I can see myself being friends with for a very long time, and my soul was genuinely, monumentally, and very simply, happy. There was even a time, late at night, when I reached in my pocket to check the time on my phone, looked up at the skyline, said "Actually time doesn't matter right now," and put my phone back before I could see the display.

Theme o' the evening was 2.
2 groups o' females.
2 sour drinks.
2 glasses o' delicious wine.
2 bars.
2 plates o' food. (to share)
most importantly, I had 2, count it, TWO De Ja Vus.

Day 2: I think De Ja Vus are amazing. I fully value them as moments I need to throw my hands up in the air, smile and embrace time as it repeats to myself just as I've seen it before. Personally, I think it's God/nature/the universe's way of saying "Checkpoint, you're doing good, keep it up!" Like "You've been doing good, here's proof, you've made it this far." They mean a lot to me because they usually happen when I try new things and when I'm making decisions for me, when I'm happiest.

I've known a couple people who actually think of De Ja Vus as bad, only because when they've experienced them, the situations usually got worse, and one of these friends said they'd speed up, or happen more frequently the closer to the bad event came.

Recently I've been thrown for a small loop, and it called in question, or at least made me reevaltuate how I present and hold myself. It really made me uncomfortable as I was fully believing I had a steady foundation of self to stand on, which I do, but there might have been some loose cement on top.

Just living last night, singing the whole car ride home, and writing it down in my Book, with the emphasis of the De Ja Vus, I got my bearings aligned again, and my heart feels way better.

Interactions with others...

I had a thought yesterday just in the walk by "how ya doin" kind of conversation, and I said something along the lines of "you don't mess with the beloved, they always have a bigger file than you in case things get dirty." I realize now that a. probably sounded really odd coming from a 22 yr old woman who this woman barely knows, and b. might have sounded selfish when she said i was loved here.

Then i got to thinking, which usually gets me in trouble, but it is fun and extremely odd to remove oneself from your world and see you as others do. Not just a mirror, but what experiences did they have before meeting your and hearing your, well my, super weird and nothing accounted for, random phrases. If she cared to question, or think about it a second further, I wonder what she wonders my day was like prior to just that sentence. hmmm...like, well someone didn't have their coffee this morning. Or, someone's self absorbed because they think everyone there loves them. (mind you, I have it on good authority at my job that no one would throw me under the bus, but maybe that just means they're all just not telling me something...which could be worse but eh).

Random thought. My head hurts like my brain is a size too big for my skull. It has for a few days strait now. I think I need to see my chiropractor.

Let's get this thing started...

OMGoodness! I"m not sure quite yet what I've gotten myself into, but here goes. I just got done reading some co-worker blogs and what can I say, I'm inspired. I"ve always found it challenging to write everyday, been tryin since I was little and I have a ton of little diaries with maybe a few scattered days here and there back at my old home. As it supposedly takes 21 days strait to make a habit, (lol recently learned just by hanging up my coat when I come home), and I'm 22, I'm gonna try and write every day for AT LEAST 22 days. Even if I have to set an alarm on my phone. (like with my birth control when I first started, it was funny waking up to me saying "no babies, no babies, no babies, no babies," just sayin).

I"m really in it now, as it's not recommended to look at a computer screen at least 2 hours before you plan to sleep, and well, my 32" tv is my monitor, so I'm screwed.


I guess I'll start with 22 facts about me, a day at a time:

Day 1. I have 6 tattoos that I have gotten in 4 sittings, and they mean the world to me, because to me I get to carry around the people and things I love everywhere with me, and I think they are all so very wonderful. note: I've gotten all of them within the past year.

Some studies somewhere say that your brain doesn't fully develops until your 24/25 or something like that, (43% of statistics are made up on the spot, lol), and  I've heard some people tell me I'll regret them eventually. I do think for myself thank you very much people, and I will NEVER, I repeat, NEVER NEVER will regret any of them.
1. 1St night in San Diego - Drunk - ultimate 21 run with mom, her hs good friend and her daughter. All of whom I spent a majority of my first 5/6 years with.  We all got matching Chinese writing for "new beginnings" on our hip bones (my mom and I on our left, Karla and Brit on their right). Not to mention it was all but Brit's first tattoos.
2. March - Harley Davidson dealership - my arms- right: "What if there was no tomorrow?" great conversation starter and kind of a when to live reminder. left: "God, Love, Family, Self, Friends" - My priorities in that order. I used to put myself last but no one wins in that scenario, and I think there are certain friends who become family who do get put before me. As well as a why to live reminder.
3. April 16 - All American Tattoo - Dodecahedron on my right calf. Almost a 3d version of a diamond, a peridot, and a sapphire. (my sister, my mom, and I's birthstones.) for my sister's 18th birthday. My mom and my sister have very similar ones, tho my sister's is still only an outline.
4. uuuuhh - I should know this...- My right foot (yes, FUCKING OOOOOOWWWW!!): BAD in jetson's looking block letters in green/yellow/red cuz I love...bob marley...wink wink. Stands for Bob And Donna, my grandparents who passed away in 2010 3 months and a day apart. They were the Johnny and June I knew. left foot (again, FUCKING OOOOOOWWWW!!): my cat Friskey's paw prints. All I can say is, if you can remember when days were short and years were long, and not the other way around, I had her for SEVENTEEN AND A HALF YEARS!
I miss them all dearly, but this way, they can walk with me everywhere. When I walk to the graduation stage after college, walking down the eisle to the love of my life, walk into the nursery at the hospital, walk in Europe, etc.

No regrets. ('cept now I feel like all my posts have to be that long...eeek.)