Whatever makes the world go round

So this growing up thing seems to really revolve around 2 things. Communication, and responsibility. And whoa, goodness I wasn't nearly as ready as I had thought.

I can totally handle things like doing the dishes of the house because no one else will, or keeping my cat's litter box clean because I wouldn't want to go to the bathroom stepping in my own waste. Remedial tasks like making food on the stove rather than microwave, though I don't have much option anymore because our microwave went toes up. And all that jazz.

What I'm struggling with is using my actions and not words. Responsibility covers a lot of fields and in terms of people, I could definitely learn a few more things.

This all sucks because I want/need to save money. And as it stands right now, I'm living paycheck to paycheck and my job hasn't started yet. I feel like a horrible friend to my friends because it has become conditional. I can hang out with the conditions of it being free or super cheap. I have to worry about how and how much it's going to cost me to get there not to mention if we're purchasing something like a drink or food.  I've recently had people give me food and I'm on food stamps, so getting food isn't difficult, people just don't wanna cook, they all want to go "out."

I have big goals, and these minor expenses add up and it's unfortunate. I feel like I have to give up a life to get somewhere. I mean, they tell you the ultimatum when you're growing up, but you never think it'll apply. What sacrifices must be made to have both? If I chose to move forward, and save money, and not see anyone, how do I explain that I chose that path to the good people I'd be leaving? Like a horrible friend filter.

Maybe it's not so horrible. I'd understand if someone was just consistently broke and couldn't hang out, but what about after they get money? Would they be a bad friend if they still chose to not go out? Some might think so. I'd understand. I think the key to having/saving money is forgetting that you have it. I moved where I did so I could save and of course, I made plans and God laughed. Finding a job took 2 months longer than expected and I still don't have one yet. My car insurance went from $150 a month to $300 because I moved, and my car's getting older and I need quite a few new things.

None of this probably made any sense, and I don't think I even finished my thought on responsibility but I haven't eaten today and I made food. No one's going to read this anyways.

So this is it.

*deep breath*exhale* go.

It has been awhile and while a door may swing both directions, the wind has failed to even bluster a budge either way. It must be said I have hurt for and deserve it. As a result my audience may result in only my lonesome.

My life has changed dramatically since I have last written. And I can hardly touch the realizations that have come my way. Beliefs I have come to agree with, and patterns I hope I can keep.

Brief thought: I don't know why I'm doing this. I keep telling myself I'm living a life I'm proud of and see so clearly that I can interpret it to words and send the message that life is beautiful from any perspective. But let's be honest, I'm not good at writing things down, nor am I good at writing everyday unless it's for work. Might partially be because I need to attach myself to computer. It's cheaper in the long run and being unemployed...(new, but soon to be over)...leaves little extra fun cash after my car insurance goes up to $300 a month. F U insurance. I'll just boycott and take the bus...which I'm super close to now anyways (new).

Goal: to be paid for being awesome all the time. Not gonna happen but eh. I can dream.

If life was one story that you tell kids when you are super old and in a rocking chair, with your best friend and pink lemonade, then I'd like mine to have a ton of funny twists, and adventures. Hence, my new job at an alehouse 4 blocks from me, a new place with a great view of the mountains, and no money. Only for a moment. I have a great boyfriend, a whiny-old cat, and odd house-mates. Very odd. (only details for now).

(grown-up)Adventure today: Meet up with a Real Estate agent to see if I'd be good at making quick money the real (estate) way! Ha...ha...haaaaaaa... I figure, it's easy, something I can do part or full time, I can keep my other new job, and I could go back to school. I have another interview next week (call center) if I don't like this anyways...