Well that was productive.

And by that I mean not at all. Today, because I was recommended to by like everyone, I stayed home and sat on my butt all day in super comfy clothes that didn't match and watched around 8 episodes of Mad Men. Don't get me wrong, it's a good show, and I'm glad I watched it, the attention to detail is extraordinary, but man, that's the first day in a very long time that I haven't left the house once. I didn't go on the back porch, I didn't go to the store for more tea or my prescription, and my best friend whom I initially made plans with had to cancel. So I stayed couch ridden. I made a goal a long time ago to not just sit at home all day cuz that's what I used to do all the time. I can say that physically I feel a little better, but my throat still hurts really bad and I still have no control over the pitch in my voice. Tomorrow is another day. Supposed to be sunny, and I might have a date with the batting cages...for the first time ever...hahaha. If it pans out, this'll be funny.

Day 4: I love to complain. I say that in a completely selfish, I'm gonna take my time cuz I need it, and I'm gonna mean it for every minute that I complain kind of way. But, aside from that, I'm generally over the situation once I complain about it. This fact is proven most when I drive. Let me say that what some people call reckless, I call skilled, and I know I'm an overall great driver from point A to point B, but that's on the outside. On the inside I yell and curse and throw my hands in the air. I don't honk my horn but if you could hear me I'd make you feel like a dumb-ass. And then, I'm good, business as usual. Just another drive in the car. Pause to let people in. No big deal.

I know that for me, to keep my calm, I do need to be angry, just a little at least for a minute. Sometimes I even time myself. Like, okay, you have 5 min to be angry about your friend canceling plans, then you're over it. I talk myself through the shitty situation, how I'm gonna act from there, and then get on with it. I try really hard not to take it out on people, because lots of people that I've met out there don't know how to release and they seem very hurt/lost/angry and I don't want to be like that. I used to be and nope, not going back.


ps. life lesson passed to me from another who learned it today. "There's a thin line between wants and expectations."